The Importance of Feeling Sadness
The Importance of Feeling Sadness
"Blessed
are those who mourn for they will be comforted."
-Jesus Christ, Matt. 5:4
In the 2015 Pixar's Film Inside-Out, teenage Riley Anderson has a
huge problem in that she cannot feel sadness anymore. Because of this, she
isolates herself and begins to lose her own identity. She runs away from her
home because her pain is unbearable. Inside-Out
climaxes when she can weep in the arms of her father. Just as sadness was
important for Riley, so recognizing sadness and pain is part of finding healing
in the loving arms of our heavenly father.
Life is full of tragedy,
pain and disappointment. A friend of mine who was happily married with five
children lost her husband at a young age in a car accident. During the week of
the funeral, she refused to take sleeping pills or medicine because she said, "I need to feel this pain. I need to
mourn and process my loss. I am afraid if I begin taking pills, they may become
an addictive escape which will not help, but hinder my process of mourning and
healing."
Pain helps us change. When
God reveals things to us it is in order to heal us and not harm us. As the
Apostle Paul wrote, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation
and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Cor. 7:10
We can hide behind the mask
of busyness, addiction or even religious activity, but until we can be
vulnerable and say to God "I need
your help," things will not change.
No one taught us this better
than Jesus himself. He taught us to not simply avoid murder, but murdering
someone in our heart. He taught that the act of adultery is not just
destructive, but lusting in our heart after another person is as well. True
change takes place when we see the pain and destruction that our sin creates.
Jesus invites us to not simply deal with the symptoms of our problems, but to
go straight to the heart of our problems.
In seminary one professor
taught that leaders should not be too vulnerable concerning their weaknesses or
pains. I strongly disagree.
Rick Warren has said that he
is the most effective when he shares about his struggles and heartbreaks. He
openly tells about his first two years of marriage being like a hell that were
only turned around because he got needed marriage counseling. He openly tells
about the tragic loss of his son Matthew who committed suicide because of
mental sickness. His life story demonstrates the need for counseling as well as
the need to help to those among us who struggle with mental sicknesses. In the
midst of his darkness, tragedy and pain, God was there for him and he is there
for all of us.
Corrie ten Boom said she
felt God closest to her in her life was when she was in the Nazi concentration
camp of World War II. I have met many people who have experienced God the most
in the most difficult times of physical sickness, failure or tragedy. Saint
John of the Cross would call this the dark night of the soul.
Pain causes us to either run
away from God or to his arms of love. He
promises not that we will never suffer pain, but that in the midst of our pain
he will comfort us. Then we will be able to comfort others with the same
comfort he has given us (2 Cor. 1:3-6).
When a friend of mine lost
his son, nobody could comfort him like a man who ten years earlier also had
lost a son. The ministry of comfort is needed to help find bring healing and
reconciliation to others even when we may be suffering ourselves.
On November
8th, 1987, Gordon Wilson and his daughter Marie lay under the rubble
of a building that had been bombed by the provisional IRA. Gordon survived, but
his daughter did not. The following words that Gordon told the BBC just after
climbing from under the rubble rocked the whole nation.
"She held my hand tightly, and gripped
me as hard as she could. She said, 'Daddy, I love you very much.' Those were
her exact words to me, and those were the last words I ever heard her
say."
To the
astonishment of listeners, Wilson went on to add, "But I bear no ill
will. I bear no grudge. Dirty sort of talk is not going to bring her back to
life. She was a great wee lassie. She loved her profession. She was a pet.
She's dead. She's in heaven and we shall meet again. I will pray for these men
tonight and every night."[1]
Gordon Wilson
rose up in his words and actions and became a pivotal politician and peace
campaigner who helped stop the decades of fear and violence in Northern
Ireland. He reached out in forgiveness to the same men who planted the bomb
that killed his daughter. He was a Christian who followed Jesus example in the
midst of the darkest tragedy of his life. His suffering and pain helped bring
healing to his nation.
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