The Daily Examen: A Tool For Escaping the Unexamined Life

The frog lived inside of the deep dark water pit on his lily pad, glad to be in a familiar place. It was cold, dark, and wet, but still it was well known. Every day he would go through the same motions: morning news, business meetings, the latest gossip, social media posts, fast-food, evening sitcoms, and the latest movies on his ribbitflix account. It was not an exciting or adventurous life, but it was familiar. Every day he did the same things he did the previous day and would do for the rest of his life. 

One day a bumble bee came by to tell him about the beautiful spring flowers that were growing and the taste of the delicious nectar and the honey cookies that the bees were cooking up. “You got to come out of your routine froggy, the spring is absolutely beautiful. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. The colors are beautiful. In fact, in an hour the garden spring festival is going to begin with the centipedes marching band and the grasshoppers amazing jumping show. They even have trampolines for kids to jump on.” 

“It sounds so nice, but then I would have to climb out of my routine and my schedule. I am very busy with my life bumble bee. I don’t have time for such things,” replied the frog. 

So on and on the frog went through his routine. Even when he heard the sound of the marching band and smelt the aroma of the cookies, he could not allow himself to imagine how life would be outside in the dangerous unfamiliar unknown. He had to keep doing things the way he had “always” been doing them. It is best to stay with the familiar (or so he thought).

The description of this frog can very easily become the life of any of us who live without self-reflection. It is a life where we may feel comfortable, yet unfulfilled. Like the frog, it can become the story of a wasted life. 

Saint Ignatius of Loyola instructed his followers to live lives of heroic leadership. They were to lead lives which were established on the core values of: self-reflection, ingenuity, heroism, and love. It is the first core value upon which I would like to expound on.  

Every one is born an original but most people die as a copy. You are called to be the best you and not the next Billy Graham, Doug Beacham or Kevin Durant. Knowing who you are and who you are not is extremely valuable for establishing direction in your life. Don’t live your life climbing a corporate ladder only to realize one day that when you get to the top that you were climbing the wrong one. Do not simply do whatever everyone else is doing without asking yourself and asking God, “What have you distinctly made me for? What is important in my life?”  

Ric Elias Second Chance at Living Life

Ric Elias was flying on flight 1549 in January 2011 out of New York City when he realized that he was about to die. The motors had been taken out by a flock of geese and as he heard the pilot say, “Prepare for impact,” the following thoughts ran through his head. 

First, he realized how everything can change in one instant. None of the things that seemed to be so urgent and important mattered any more. He was about to die and how he regretted that he had wasted so much of his life on unimportant things at the cost of things  that were so valuable. He realized that the most important people in his life were his family.

He regretted living a self-centred life where his ego was king. This cost him so much energy and waste of resources. He wished he could of been happy instead of always being  right. He also realized that facing death was not scary, we are all preparing ourselves for that moment, but sad because he was going to miss watching his kids grow up. As the plane just barely missed the Washington bridge and safely land in the Hudson river, Elias was granted the gift of living again. 

Elias now says that his greatest ambition is simply being a wonderful dad. (See picture of him with his daughter).  He cried  when he heard his first grade daughter sing at a school play because he was grateful for the privilege of simply being there for her. Like Elias, I too have concluded that my greatest ambition in life is being a good daddy.

Always Make Family and Significant Relationships Priority

Coaching soccer games, changing diapers, broken nights, and cleaning up vomit are nothing compared to the great joy of being called “daddy.” My fondest memories as a child was being as a family in my parents bed together laughing, praying, cuddling, getting read to, being disciplined and having those heart to heart talks about life. I enjoy being able to give that gift to my children.

To be honest, like the frog, I can get caught up in the busyness of life. My life can be determined by my busy schedule (the next activity that needs to be planned or crisis that needs to be solved) but my time with my wife and my children really is what I must cherish and enjoy. Not sharing my life with them is like leaving unopened Christmas presents under the tree that I may never get to open up again. This is a continual challenge I need to ask myself about, “Am I nurturing and treasuring my wife and children? Am I caring for those important relationships that God has given me responsibility for?”

To be honest, I am not always good at this. Quite often at dinner table my wife tells me that I am present in body, but absent in thought. I am still thinking about my next teaching, problem, or project I need to work on. I think my wife at times wants to throw my phone into the trash because I admit I can look like an autistic man who is constantly sucked away into the world of social media, e-mails, and the latest news. All of this at the expense of those who I love the most. (Alright, this article is becoming a confession and example of self-examination.)

Don’t Make Major Decision Only Based On Money

Secondly, don’t make major life decision based upon simply how you can make the most money. One study tracked the lives of 1500 graduates for 20 years after their graduation (from 1960-1980). The majority (83%) chose to work for money so that they could later follow their dreams while the minority (17%) decided to first follow their dreams and not worry about the money. At the end of the twenty years,  one hundred millionaires were found in the second group and only one in first group. People who followed their dream and their passion were not just happier, but much more wealthy as well in the long run. 

Oprah Winfrey once said that 87% of Americans are unhappy with the work that they do. This is because the national anthem in the US perhaps should be changed to, “I owe, I owe, so off to work I go.” If we could stop wasting time and energy trying to get things which we do not need, then we would have much more energy to be content with what we do have. 

As a teenager, I remember telling my mother that I felt kind of down. She then instructed me to make a list of thirty things for which I was thankful for. I came up with thirty-five things, and when I was done reading it, I did not feel down anymore. Counting your blessings one by one is truly a great way to live life. It enables us to live like Paul when he said, “I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation” (Philippians 4:12 NIV). 

However, making a long list everyday will not help us to live a life of self-examination, but let me give you another tool developed by St. Ignatius called the daily examen which potentially will.

The Daily Examen: A Powerful Tool for Self-Reflection

Ignatius taught his followers to go over their goals every morning when they got up. Then once after lunch and once after dinner to take five to ten minutes to examine the events of their day. For me this looks like placing five minutes on my stopwatch and sitting still to pray, meditate and reflect. First, I acknowledge God’s presence and center down (come to rest). Second, I look back through the day at all the moments when I have made good choices and try to see God’s hand in these. I also try to recognize wrong choices and how I can do better the next time. Finally, I thank God for everything and ask him to guide me throughout the rest of my day or evening. If I have time, I may even finish by praying the Lord’s prayer. This is done in the time that it takes some people to smoke a cigarette. 

This tool of a daily examen is simply another way together with prayer, meditation, and other spiritual disciplines that we can get our heart in line with God’s will and our own. Ultimately, when we begin to discover the deepest desire of our heart we will actually find the desires God has placed there as well. Then we won’t look back at our life as one wasted where we like Mr. Frog just got sucked into the routine of going through the motions; doing the same things we did the previous day. Instead we can develop and flourish in the gifts and callings God has placed in us.  This is why incorporating a daily examen in our lives is a practical way at making self-reflection a daily habit which can lead to significant life change. 

-by Matthew Helland